“But but but” “stop butting, one would think you are a goat’’
my mother scolded me “but how did Moo Moo get on the roof”
I cried. I was so upset my parents never cared when anything
happened to me not when I got star of the day not when I had
no clothes to and not now when Moo Moo was stuck on the
roof. This time I was going to get their attention, how I was
going to get Moo Moo down from the dolls roof house by
myself I reached up making myself as tall as possible grabbed
Moo Moo’s tail and pulled him down. I felt so proud of myself
I went to show Mum but she just said “go away I’m busy’’
my mother scolded me “but how did Moo Moo get on the roof”
I cried. I was so upset my parents never cared when anything
happened to me not when I got star of the day not when I had
no clothes to and not now when Moo Moo was stuck on the
roof. This time I was going to get their attention, how I was
going to get Moo Moo down from the dolls roof house by
myself I reached up making myself as tall as possible grabbed
Moo Moo’s tail and pulled him down. I felt so proud of myself
I went to show Mum but she just said “go away I’m busy’’
Oh, that hurts!
ReplyDeleteYou have weaved a theme through this short text - neglect. Consider how you are using punctuation. Have you got full stops in the correct place?
Your choice of words e.g. scolded - add to the intensity of your work. Well done.